Why Do I Do This To Myself?

So today was a rather good day. After finding an excuse to text Jon last nite we had a mini convo with him saying that he would talk to me this week. This will be the first time we have seen each other since we ended things. I wont lie the fact that he finally said he would talk to me eased the pain that I am feeling and my head immediately went to all the things I would say to him.

I spent the day in a good mood, thinking that he still cares about me or why would he agree to talk to me, right? By the end of the workday, I had convinced myself that everything was gonna work out. He did still love me. Yes, I had hurt him but he was ready to talk and I knew just the things to say to help him understand where I was coming from.

All the while my head is throwing in " He's not gonna talk to you. He doesnt still love you. He is OVER You!!!!" Well, that darn heart of mine refused to listen. So I'm all excited to talk to him - thinking he will definitely wanna talk tonight. Why wouldnt he? We need to talk.

Well, it is now almost 8pm and I havent heard from him and the more I think about it the more I realize what a fool I am. He never said when he wanted to talk....it was just a general we'll talk. If it was important to him he would've asked when we could talk. 

I need to get it through my head that we are over. He is over it. I no longer am important to him. I do not matter. I need to get over it.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I build things up in my heart when my head is telling me the truth? I make everything worse than it needs to be. Why cant I just let go?

So what should I do? Text him and beg him to talk to me so that I can just get the final "it's over" over and done with? Just let it go and try like hell to move on and not stare at my phone? Will it hurt worse to hear him say it to my face? Probably. I mean, today was kinda a good day but what will tomorrow be like? Isnt it better just to get this over with so that I can quit trying to come up with reasons why it cant be over?

Why or why am I such a fool?